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4 Ways to Raise Your Self Esteem

4 Ways to Raise Your Self Esteem

‘Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.’ ~ Brené Brown ~

Now there’s a quote! But actually how many of us in reality can say that we do this?

We’re all so busy rushing around managing those multiple diaries and endless to-do lists. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This is where judgement and comparison can creep in. We are constantly jump from one thing to another. Eventually, our resilience drops and we can react to small things with a much more heightened emotional response. Recently I have noticed the tightness in my stomach, the rounding of my shoulders and the tension headaches; All trigger points that something is bugging me. You know when it just goes round and round in your head and you can’t switch off? No matter how much you tell yourself to just forget about it, it keeps popping back in and reminding you about it?

Yet rather than step back for a moment and check what’s real about the situation, I spend even more time going over and over it in my head. This is a typical self-sabotage situation where self-worth goes right out the window. We spend more time planning the arrival of Armageddon in our imagination than we do checking in with the truth back in reality. Why is that?

You see for many of us – planning impending doom and how we’re going to fail is so much easier for us if we plan it in detail – because then if it happens we’ve already mapped it out. Our brains are five times more likely to think of something negative rather than positive – so we’re fighting a battle from the start.


So here’s a radical ideal – well actually it’s not, it should be second nature to us… It’s time to put ourselves first. I know right, what a shocking statement to make!! You see when it comes to self-worth – it’s not selfish, – it’s self-first. The rationale is that we are no good to anyone else or anything we do if we don’t take care of us – we are our most precious resource – isn’t it time we valued that?

If you’re reading this article, it’s probably on your mobile or Ipad… which you make sure is charged up – because you look after it, and know that this means you get the optimum use out of it; I know for me I start to panic if my phone battery goes below 40%!!! – But how many of us apply the same rule to ourselves?

When did you last go on a date with yourself?

I know, sounds a silly question right? But really, when did you last take some timeout for you – to breathe, to pause, to notice, to just STOP. Because when we do that, that is where we can check in with what’s going on, how we are feeling and what we need to be or do to take care of ourselves. 

Could you gift yourself each day by allowing 10-15 minutes to “just be”? Notice what happens when you allow yourself to connect with your breathing, stop working and just focus on you.

If like me, you sometimes have a tendency to go to the extreme, think the worst or start telling yourself you can’t achieve something here’s a simple question to help gain some perspective: 

“What’s the truth in that?”

This question is a great way to just take five and pause. It allows you to step away from thoughts and process facts. You get the chance to check in and notice what’s going on physically and mentally.

So in terms of my recent situation where I was feeling a bit stressed, allowing myself to take some time out, I could now calmly consider an alternative perspective. I appreciate that we are all individuals, with our own lives to lead. Stuff gets in the way, priorities change. But when I neglect self-care, I have a tendency to overthink situations and make mountains out of mole hills and it’s here that I need to remind myself that self-care isn’t a luxury, it should just be part of our everyday lifestyle. The importance of regular time out for me is crucial to ensure I have time to recharge and keep those negative thoughts at bay.

Another great way to channel your self-worth on a regular basis is to alter your mindset. So for example, if I asked you to look out for Dalmatians over the next week – I wonder how many you would spot some (excuse the pun lol) but seriously – I’ve set the intention for you so you’re more likely to notice them. The same applies with appreciation and gratitude. We notice what we look for. So what would it be like to take a few moments to notice what has made you smile or made you feel happy each day?

Research suggests that even if we spend just two minutes a day regularly for 28 days in a positive state, we are still likely to feel happier six months later – well for such a small proportion of the day – I’ll take that! Every day is the chance for a new beginning and to appreciate what has gone well. Why not try journaling three positive things before you

go to bed each night and notice what happens to your sleep pattern and mind frame the following day. Which leads in nicely to my last tip around noticing what values you live your life by.

Check in with your values

Our values are a central part of who we are and how we want to live our life. By

becoming more aware of them, they can guide us to ensure we are staying true to ourselves when making decisions. It’s another way of valuing our worth and what matters to us.

When we honour our values we feel fulfilled and ‘on purpose’. When we ‘step on’ our values we can feel despondent and demotivated.

Do you know what your values are? And when did you last check on whether you are still honouring them?

So having read through my tips for getting started with self-worth, what you may not have appreciated is that you’ve already started just by reading this – the question is what are you going to do next? Go on – make self-worth part of your everyday routine – you’re worth it aren’t you?

Nicola Arnold is a Professional Certified Coach who empowers individuals to stand in their spotlight, illuminating their path of possibilities. 

With over 20 years’ experience in helping individuals focus on their development both professionally and personally, her passion is in supporting individuals to connect with who they really are. Enabling them to connect with their true self, values and life purpose, she champions and challenges them to create a positive and empowering belief in what they want to do.  She writes regularly for Thrive Global, has featured on Huffington Post and other publications on self worth, wellbeing and authenticity – three of her top values.

You can learn more at her website: enkindlelifecoaching.com/ 

Facebook Page:  facebook.com/Enkindlelifecoaching

and Instagram: instagram.com/enkindlelifecoaching